Iresso's Dilema
by Mags62
Summary: Star Wars -SWTOR story of JC/Iresso meeting on Hoth, their relationship
1. Chapter 1

Another cold, windy day, thought Lt. Iresso. Just another day in paradise. He sighed, wishing he was back …anywhere, really. He looked across the room at the gathered troops there, milling around and wondering if there would ever be any sun on this frozen hell. He hated to tell them this is as good as it gets around here. As if the cold weren't enough to deal with, he'd just received word that a Jedi master was on her way to talk to him. What use could she possibly be here? Probably the council just sent someone on a diplomatic goose chase, he thought.

He heard the elevator descending, and glanced around to make sure there wasn't anything amiss in the briefing room, then turned just as the Jedi and her bodyguard made their way through the door. At first glance, he saw exactly what he expected to see—typical brown hooded robe, hands hidden in her sleeves, lightsaber hilt on her belt. The Transdoshan stopped her with an outstretched arm, and made a cursory sweep around the room before nodding and following her. When she was a few steps from him, she stopped but kept her gaze down.

"Lieutenant, my name is Magdalane Chantalle. I am with the Jedi order, and have been sent to assist you and your troops," she stated in a soothing voice.

He barely heard her speak, as he was preoccupied with the feeling of warmth and calm she radiated over him. He'd been around Jedi before, but this was the first time he'd actually felt the air around him change. He could see a golden glow around her body, and had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. He glanced quickly at his troops, and saw that they were staring at her as well.

"Welcome, Master Jedi. I hope you have had a chance to secure quarters here, I believe the shuttle service has been suspended due to weather," he stated, wishing she would look up so that he could see her face. He led her over to the desk, and motioned her to sit.

"We require little, Lieutenant. Qyzen, I'm sure I'll be perfectly safe here. Go and make arrangements for us," she said, and Iresso noted a smile in her voice. "I know weather conditions are harsh here, does it affect the missions?" she asked.

He sighed, "More often than not, Master Jedi. I've just send a recon unit out to scout for Imperial activity, but with this ice falling, we may not get any communications through. We also have two units doing repairs to the heating. These troops have been briefed and are on their way to replace forward units." He nodded to the team leader and the room emptied, all of the men casting appreciative glances at the Jedi seated across from him.

When the troops were gone, and the room was empty save the two of them, Magdalane finally lifted her head to look at him. When she lowered her hood, and the full force of those emerald green eyes hit his, he felt it like a punch to the gut. Her silver hair shone in the glow around her, and thought that maybe the cold had finally gotten to him, and he was seeing some sort of vision. His heart beat hard and he realized he was holding his breath. Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick? he thought. He couldn't look away no matter how hard he tried to break the eye contact.

Magdalane spoke softly, with a slight smile, "I am looking forward to working with you, Felix Iresso. I will go now. You can contact me by holo if something comes up sooner than the morning." She held her gloved hand out to him, and he managed to find his wits enough to shake it. He felt the longing to touch her again grow with every step she took away. When she entered the elevator, he sank into his chair in a daze. Oh damn, Felix, you're in trouble for sure now, he thought. He sat there for a good time, thinking about the events of this morning and wondering how he could have fallen so quickly and surely, and how to get over this. Jedi didn't have relationships, right? He put his head down on his desk and tried to get those green eyes out of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Magdalane walked slowly along the frigid path toward Aurek Base, refusing to think about anything but just getting out of the stinging ice falling. Her Jedi training allowed her to compartmentalize her thoughts, but her feelings were a different matter. She was thoroughly confused. The troops she saw in the briefing room exuded a mixture of fear and bravado, typical of men being sent out into unknown situations. What bothered her about them was the slight scent of mistrust she sensed, and she wasn't sure if it was directed at her as an outsider. It almost seemed as if they didn't trust the lieutenant. That doesn't make sense, she thought. He'd been in charge of these men for months, and she'd sensed no such mistrust in the officer. She did notice his wariness of her, but there was something else mixed in there, something she didn't often encounter. Just wearing this robe and carrying this lightsaber usually dissuaded such thoughts, since the general public knew very little of the Jedi culture and tended to be wary or simply ignored her.

Qyzen had found them quarters, and she went about getting settled in and contacting her ship for some warmer clothing to be sent down. They met for a meal down in the mess hall, and Magdalane felt some of the same things in the troops here that she'd sensed in the briefing room. She knew that the general living conditions here were austere and might be a factor in their general low morale. The food was passable, but she'd had more appealing field rations than the fare here. That would go in her final report, she thought. She wore her hood up, as she usually did when in public, so she didn't see the lieutenant enter the hall, rather she felt the change he brought in the room.

Felix didn't have to look around to know she was here. The men were all sneaking glances and sniggering about the Jedi being here, what did she think she could do here, why would anyone want to be a Jedi. He'd spent the day just trying to get his thoughts going in one direction, only to be distracted by wondering some of those same things himself. The crew working on the heating units had returned and he'd sent two to the medbay with frostbite. The other men had all returned early, the ice making any travel treacherous. He wondered if the next day would be any more productive, and felt weary just thinking about it.

He took his tray over to an empty table and discovered he was in direct sight of her. He told himself he could not look at her, could just have his meal and then go, but he knew that he was lying. Instead, he walked to her and her companion and sat, greeting them. He again felt her calm, and his weariness lifted. How can she make me feel better just sitting here? He didn't know how, but he knew he was intrigued by it. They made small talk, about the quarters, the weather, the returning troops. Then she said something that made his jaw drop.

"You know, Lieutenant, you can ask me about being a Jedi, or about the Force. I will try to help you understand"

He just stared at her, not able to form the question he wanted to ask. He began to stammer out his query, when his holo beeped. Two of his men had been attacked just outside the perimeter, and he was needed at medbay. He jumped up to leave, and was almost to the elevator when he realized Magdalane was at his heels. He didn't stop, but pulled her onto the elevator and they rushed to see how badly the men were injured.

The first casualty they saw was being treated for minor injuries, but the second was in very bad shape, having been blasted by what looked like an assault cannon several times. The medic on duty was doing all she could, but the kolto tank had partially frozen and the staff there were frantically trying to warm it into service.

Magdalane took over. She stood in front of the injured man and clasped her hands in front of her, almost in prayer. Her hood back was back and the glow she always carried intensified until Felix and the others in the room had to look away. It gradually diminished and the injured man started to regain consciousness, albeit slowly.

Magdalane smiled at him, then started to sink toward the floor herself. A healing of that magnitude sapped her strength for a time. Felix and Qyzen caught her and helped her to a chair. She smiled at Felix, a true smile that reached her eyes and caught him in its light.

"That's what I do, how I use the Force. " He nodded, unable to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

_Seven weeks_, he thought. _Seven weeks I've seen her every single day. And now that her objective is complete, she's moving on to her next assignment._ He sighed, wishing he could make time stop until he could say the words he wanted to say to her. He'd never known himself to be at a loss for direction before, but he really had no idea what he might do on Hoth now. He wondered where he'd be sent next. It always seemed to be another unit that just needed a blaster and a warm body. He would have to prove himself all over again. His entire career had changed in just one incident, and he didn't think it would ever recover. If he knew how to do anything but be a soldier, he'd just resign his commission. As it was, he figured he'd just have to keep moving forward.

He walked from his quarters to the main briefing room, his thoughts all over the place, but eventually came back to Magdalane. Over the time that she had been on Hoth, he'd seen her do some of everything- she could swing her purple lightsaber in a deadly dance, use the Force to throw objects several times her own mass into enemies, and perform healing that he hadn't known was possible. And, he thought, she was genuinely nice—to everyone! Even working with the Imperials against a pirate faction, she was unfailingly courteous. She'd won over everyone at the base with her quick humor and smile.

This place is miserable, but it will become unbearable without her, he thought. When he arrived at his desk, he saw a message there: the Aurek Base Commander had requested his presence. Lovely, he thought, and I'm really not in the mood to pack again. He slowly made his way over to the Commander's office, and knocked at the door. When it opened, he was sure the Commander had said something to him, but the only thing he knew was that Magdalane stood at the window, and she turned as he entered and smiled.

"Lieutenant? Lieutenant Iresso?" the Commander said.

"Oh sorry, sir, yes sir, Iresso reported as requested"

" I wanted to commend you for all the progress you've made here, Lieutenant. Master Jedi here has told me that you were invaluable to her mission here. I also am pleased to report that your unit is being sent home. They've been here far longer than they were supposed to be, and I know they're anxious to move on, " the Commander stated.

"Yes," Felix replied, "I know they and their families will be very pleased to be reunited. But sir, where will I be going?"

"Well, seeing how the Jedi council sent us Master Magdalane, I could hardly refuse their request that I assign someone from Hoth to accompany her on her work for the council. She has chosen you to be reassigned to her crew, but only if you agree."

Felix was stunned. He was going to be with her! He had a choice? No, not really, he thought. Life would be less without her in it. He looked at Magdalane, still standing at the window. She turned to face him fully.

"I cannot promise adventure of the sort we've been seeing every day, Lieutenant, but I can promise that we will represent the ideals of the Republic and work with them to see peace restored," she said.

"I'm sorry, Master Jedi, I was temporarily stunned into silence by the thought of being warm again," he said with a smile. It had been a running joke between them, her need for multiple layers of warmth out in the field. "I'd be truly honored to join your crew." He held her luminous green eyes with his, not wanting to break the contact, the promise her gaze held. When she held out her hand to him, he almost kissed it, but remembered in time where he was and shook it instead.

When the Commander dismissed him to go gather his things, Magdalane walked out of the building with him. She looked up at him under her hood, and made a statement that set his heart racing, something he'd been thinking since he woke up that morning.

"I am so looking forward to seeing you every day, Felix."

She looked down, then, maybe a little embarrassed, and told him she'd meet him at the shuttle to the orbital station in 3 hours. He went to his quarters to pack his few belongings, his excitement and anticipation making his hands fly and his heart light. When he met her at the shuttle bay, she'd taken her hood down and drawn the stares of the flight crews, which she ignored. Qyzen must have gone ahead since she was standing alone. It was rather unusual, since she'd told him that the council had requested she keep a bodyguard with her. Felix thought about this for a minute, and felt his heart stumble at the thought that maybe she wanted some time alone with him.

He was right, she did want to tell him about the crew he'd meet shortly, but she did so with less of the formality that she'd always wrapped herself in on Hoth. By the time the shuttle arrived at the orbital station, they were laughing together and he delighted at the closeness he felt. Onboard the ship, the droid took his pack to the crew area, and Magdalane showed him around the ship making introductions. Then they had dinner with the rest of the crew, where he and Tharan had quite an enjoyable discussion, and Qyzen had regaled the crew with stories of their "great hunt" on Hoth.

After dinner, Magdalane bid good night to her crew, and retired to her quarters. After a few more stories and a drink, Felix did the same. Since Nadia slept elsewhere, and Tharan was with his Holiday, he was alone in the crew quarters. He lay in the comfortable bunk, hands behind his head, warm and cozy for the first time in two years, and laughed softly. Just knowing she was near was enough. For now.


	4. Chapter 4

Magdalane did retire to her quarters, but not to sleep. In fact, she doubted she'd sleep anytime soon. Instead, she paced. Around her sparse bedroom she went, wondering what in the galaxy she'd been thinking. She felt things she'd never allowed herself to feel before, and she had no idea what to do with them. Of course, I know the biology of this, she thought. I just never considered I'd feel like this. She only knew that she'd have to get a handle on this soon, or her mission would suffer. She decided that she would at least lie down and rest, if not sleep. When she finally did crawl into bed, she remembered something her Master, Yuon Parr, told her while she was training. _You can control a lot of things_, she'd said. _You could choose to love or not to love. But the heart wants what it wants, and sometimes to ignore that is to weaken yourself in the force. Remember, padawan, love can be strength if it's shared, pain if it's not. _She lay there, directly above where Felix was, and she thought she felt him smile.

Felix was by no stretch force sensitive, but he could hear her faint footsteps above him. Maybe, he thought, just maybe she's feeling some of the same things he was. But how do I approach her, he wondered, when I know she's as afraid as she is attracted? And if they did begin a relationship, how would it affect her career. Felix knew well how one event could derail the most promising career, and he swore he'd leave this assignment before he'd do that to her. He finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

They had received their next mission orders and were en route to Belsavis, a prison planet. It would take some time, and Magdalane decided to try meditation as a way to order her thoughts. She put on a soft , stretchy pair of pants and a tank top and made her way to the training room. She went through a series of stretches, still tired and thus unaware that Felix watched the fluid motion of her lithe form. He felt awkward just watching her, so he went in to speak to her.

"I've been thinking about our combat tactics," he said. "It's clearer to me now how you're able to move so quickly and defend attacks."

"Good morning, Lieutenant," she smiled. "I'm always grateful for any advice. I have been trained in combat by Jedi, but not by a soldier. I imagine there are lots of things you could teach me." At that, she blushed and stammered, "I mean, about combat."

He stepped closer, and whispered , " I'm sure we could learn a lot from each other, if that's something you want." He wasn't sure what had made him take that step, say that, when they were still dancing around their attraction to each other, but he wasn't sorry for it. They stood there, him watching her emotions play across her face, her eyes closed, and he just couldn't help himself—he leaned down and gently kissed her.

She opened those beautiful eyes in surprise, and yes, pleasure. He took that opportunity to put his arm around her waist and draw her against him, and to kiss her again, very tenderly, then place a kiss on her warm cheek. "Just a little something else for you to meditate on," he said, then he walked with some difficulty to the bridge of the ship.

Felix thought he might keel over before he took a seat. He didn't think he had it in him to be so forward with Magdalane. Other women, yes, he'd been with others. After all, he was in the military and had traveled to places where his armor and trim body had gotten him his fair share of female attention, but he'd never been with an innocent such as her. It worried him greatly, not only from a career standpoint. But, he had to admit, it sure made him sing inside to see her reaction. As his heart rate began to return to normal, he thought about the way she'd looked at him, how perfect she'd felt against him, and wondered how long he'd have to wait before he could do that again.


	5. Chapter 5

Two sides of a coin, she thought. How do I reconcile this? Magdalane wondered why her Jedi training seemed to leave her mind whenever Felix was near. There is no emotion, only peace, she thought, yet there IS emotion and no peace when it appears. She had no answers. Suddenly, she remembered that she did have someone she could talk to about this. She hurried back to her quarters and grabbed her holocom, her sister's frequency already programmed.

Miriah was just cooking breakfast at her new home on Dantooine when the holo beeped. "Hey Mags!" her sister greeted her warmly. "You look great! All dewy and flushed….wait a minute…what's going on?" Miriah saw that her sister was troubled, but she looked like…like a woman in love, she thought.

"I really need your advice, baby sister," Magdalane said. "I've gone and lost my mind."

"No, you haven't," Miriah said softly, "just your heart. I wondered when you'd see all the attention you get wherever you go, all the men who'd like to find out what makes you tick."

"I've seen it some, but never felt the same way toward them. This guy, this wonderful man, I…I don't know what to do."

"So, big sis, is it just a physical thing, or is it real? Is that your question? I know being Jedi doesn't really give you much life experience with this sort of thing."

"Miriah, how did you know? How did you know Corso was the one? I know he wasn't your first, but how did you know he'd be your last?"

Miriah thought a second, then said, "When you feel like less than yourself when he's not near, when he's the only one whose opinion seems to count, when he's both the first thought and the last you have every day. When you can't imagine life without him in it. That's how I knew." She smiled."Who else do you know, besides you and Maura, that I would actually cook for?"

Magdalane had to smile at that. She knew her sister was seriously skilled in the kitchen, but hated that she'd had to learn to cook in order to not starve in her own home while she was growing up. She sighed, knowing in her heart she was already in love with Felix, but not knowing how to proceed. "So, what do I do next? He just kissed me, and I'd really like to explore this."

Miriah looked at her sister, at her shining eyes and flushed cheeks, and murmured, "wow, he must be some kisser then." Louder she said, "what does the council think of all this? Not that I think you should let something this special go, but you have to consider all the ramifications."

Magdalane sighed and was about to respond, when she was interrupted by her protocol droid, telling her she had a priority call from Tython. "Gotta go, Miriah, thanks so much for listening," she said.

"Follow your heart, Mags, the physical part is easy," Miriah grinned.

The call changed their current mission status, and Magdalane went to the bridge to reprogram the navcom to Tython. They were being recalled there so that Magdalane could perform a shielding ritual on another master who'd been affected by Lord Vivcar and just now found. She knew they would be there for a week or so, not that the ritual took that long but that it took that long for her to recover from it. It would take them two days to get there, two days to be so close to Felix that all she had to do is let her mind wander to feel his force presence.

She walked through her ship, telling the crew of the mission change, and lastly located Felix in the conference room, looking out at the stars. He turned as she approached, with a serious look on his face. She stopped short, wondering if he regretted their kiss already. She could have used her ability to find out, but she knew that would be an invasion of his privacy.

"Hey there," he said, "I'm glad you're here. We need to talk."

"Alright," she replied.

Felix looked nervously around, and saw that they were alone. "If we go any further with this, how will it affect your career? I mean, surely the Jedi council would have something to say about it. I…I don't know a lot about Jedi, but I'd like to learn."

"I'm a Jedi, that's true, but I am also a woman, with thoughts and needs and desires that have nothing to do with the Force," she said with a small smile.

"I confess, I can't get you out of my mind. Your scent, your smile. I see in your eyes possibilities I never thought existed."

She moved closer to him, "and I confess, I've felt your feelings. I've felt the same, but I have little experience with emotion this strong and it's taken me some time to process it." She stepped closer and he pulled her to him, putting more passion into a long, thorough kiss than Magdalane had ever felt from anyone, ever. He kissed her closed eyes, and her forehead, then just held her close. He shook with the effort to maintain control, not wanting to scare her but not wanting to let her go either, but finally knew he had to.

C2 buzzed through the door, arms loaded down with dishes, to set up for a meal. They parted slowly, and he ran his hand down her arm and took her hand. "Until later," he said, then kissed her hand and turned to go. Magdalane felt both elated and suddenly alone, and smiled to herself. I get it, Mir, now I get it, she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Magdalane walked back to her quarters, knowing she hadn't answered Felix about the council and how this might affect her work. She knew that Grandmaster Satele Shan had a son, but she didn't know the details of his birth. She also knew of several knights who'd been in relationships, and of course her mother and father were married, both of them Jedi. She'd been told in the past that while the council frowned upon involvement, their sanctions depended on the individual and how they handled themselves and their force use.

She didn't care, not really. She was exhausted with trying to deny herself, tired of willing away her feelings. She could feel the line at which hormones and biology warred with logic, and logic was losing. The entire time she was on Hoth, she worked the missions, but always with the knowledge that Felix was an arm's length away, sometimes closer. Now he was part of her crew, and she was impatient with waiting. She found him in the cargo bay, motioned to him to follow her, and walked back to her quarters.

When she'd locked her door and put up a force shield to isolate them, she turned to Felix. "I feel I owe you an explanation," she said. "I didn't explain the whole Jedi connection with relationships. There are many, my master included, who feel that love can actually increase force awareness. Others think it is a path to the dark side. The council will surely know if we advance our relationship, but you know what? I have dedicated my life to this work, left my family and trained for years. I don't care if they approve or disapprove, I need you in my life, Felix. I want you to be my one exception."

Felix took her in his arms, held her close, felt her tremble at the contact. He whispered to her, "Are you sure? I mean, are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want you to feel rushed, love, I'm not going anywhere. I definitely don't want to cause you pain, or create problems for you, but you have to know that I love you, and have since the first time I looked into your eyes on Hoth."

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," she replied. She felt the tightness in her chest loosen, and kissed him then, the first time she'd ever initiated a kiss. Her ever present glow intensified then, and Felix was aware of the rush of joy it brought with it. He slowly drew her down onto the bed and just held her, stroking her hair and whispering to her all the things he'd been wanting to say and had held back. He was very careful with her, making sure she was ready for each step. He was quite surprised to find shimmersilk and lace under the plain robe she always wore, and she giggled at his expression when he uncovered her secret. Her giggles were quickly replaced though. She struggled with the effort of keeping the force shield in place when her senses were overwhelmed, and let it down, not caring if anyone passing in the hall could hear her moans.

Magdalane woke in the wee hours of the morning, Felix holding her close. She felt clear and focused for the first time in ages, and sensed no dark side presence at all. Using her force healing, she fixed all her sore spots, smiling at the memory of how she'd gotten them. Oh, Miriah, if only you'd told me how wonderful this would be! She moved to stretch her entire length against the gorgeous man she'd fallen in love with, only to realize he was awake and already reaching for her. Maybe, she thought, this time on Tython won't be as boring as I thought. She smiled in the darkness, and forgot about everything but him.


	7. Chapter 7

Felix woke early, as usual, and crept out of Magdalane's quarters. The ship was quiet, and even the droid was silent as he made his way to the crew showers. It had been so long since he'd had access to a hot shower that he lingered there, thinking of her. When he left the showers, he quickly dressed and went to the bridge to check their progress toward Tython. I'm a little uneasy about this, he thought. I wonder if my feelings are written on my face, or if one of the Jedi will pick up my emotions. I need to ask Magdalane what to do. He sat in one of the chairs, looking out at the stars speeding past and trying to quiet his thoughts, which were still on the night he'd just spent with her. He'd never believed that things like that happened, but he did now. At one point he would have sworn their heartbeats had synchronized. He sighed happily, and daydreamed.

Magdalane woke slowly, but she knew even before her eyes were open that Felix had left. He probably thinks I'd been embarrassed if anyone saw him leaving my quarters, she thought. Either that, or the need for food had gotten to be too much. She smiled, thinking of how surprised he'd been to see what she wore under the plain brown robe. She lay there, stretching and savoring the difference she felt in her body and her mind. I have time, she thought, plenty of time until Tython. She drifted back to sleep, holding his pillow.

Felix joined Tharan for breakfast. They'd shared a few meals together, since the rest of the crew tended to sleep later. Tharan had glanced at Felix, then did a double take at his friend's smile. Tharan smirked at him, "Hmm had a little fun, did we?"

"NO, it was not fun, well it was, but not the way you mean," groaned Felix, "Tharan, I'd never do something like that. She's too special, too unique to think that of."

"Oohhh, oh no, you're in love with her!" exclaimed Tharan. "Well then, man, you'd be the first to get past that Jedi defense."

Felix sighed, "Please, Tharan, I'd thank you to not speak of her like that. Nor of this to anyone else, until she's ready to say something, and I don't know if she ever will."

Tharan nodded, then was silent as he ate. As he got up to put his dishes away, he grinned wryly, "Well, the only thing I'd suggest is to not ever hurt her. I'm not sure I could keep the Transdoshan from ripping your throat out." He clapped Felix on the shoulder, then whistling, went to the science station.

Felix decided the safest place for him to be, until he could speak with Magdalane, was on the bridge. He found her there, much as he had done earlier, looking at the stars and daydreaming. He put his hands on her waist and kissed the back of her head, and they stood there, quiet but not uncomfortably so. When she turned to him, she said, "I told you before, I don't care if the council knows. And, knowing some of them, they'll suspect but not ever say anything. " She smiled at his confused look. "I'm not telepathic, but your concern and worry is emotion, and I can read emotion." She took the nearest chair, and sat a little slowly, and smiled at him again, her eyes sparkling in the subdued lighting. "Don't worry, I could heal myself but I'm enjoying the memories the soreness calls up."

He felt a little embarrassed then, but knew he wouldn't trade anything for those memories himself. He took her hand, and they sat, comfortable in each other's silence.


	8. Chapter 8

Tython. When she thought about it, she'd spent more years in this temple than at her family home, or anywhere in the galaxy. She left the ship alone, her crew opting to live on board while she was working. She'd hoped Felix would accompany her, but she knew he was a little uncomfortable with the thought of coming under the scrutiny of the masters. This is indeed an unusual day, she thought, it's almost as if the universe knows, like I've opened up to parts of the force that were hidden before. Normally she didn't feel the force flow until she thought about it, but since last night her blood hummed louder, her ears could hear the tiniest sounds, and her aura glow was different. Normally a soft, yellow glow, Magdalane's aura was now an intense white. She knew she was drawing glances as she walked to the temple, but she shrugged them off. It wasn't as if she could change it, even if she wanted to.

She went directly to the med station. The master she was to perform the shielding ritual for was there, and she really had no other business. She knew Yuon would find her before she left, but Magdalane wouldn't seek her out this day. Satele Shan was with the ill master, and when she saw Magdalane her eyes grew wide. Satele knew instantly the changes that had taken place and why. Now we'll see, Satele thought, how this young Master handles herself with her increased powers.

Magdalane walked to the master she didn't know, greeted Satele, and immediately called up the shielding. The ritual was ancient, and Magdalane had gone through a great deal to learn it. It would protect the affected master from the thought influence of a powerful Sith lord who was attempting to turn masters against the order. When she'd done this ritual before, she'd had to build her force power, then cast. Today, however, all she did was recall the ritual and the power was there, tickling her fingertips. She clasped her hands in the proper position, and the room exploded in light. In seconds, the shielding was complete. Amazing, Magdalane thought, this usually takes longer, and I usually am on the ground once it's complete. She felt a little lightheaded, but nothing like the last times she'd used this. Satele's eyebrows raised, she was duly impressed. She went to Magdalane and helped her to a chair, and could feel the force flow just by touching the young Jedi's arm. She made a silent vow to herself to say nothing to the other masters about this, she knew a full investigation would only dampen Magdalane's spirit and her newfound power.

Magdalane, on the other hand, was more afraid of the sudden rush of force that she didn't feel she could control, and when Satele would have left her to rest for a bit, Magdalane instead held her there, and Satele then understood.

"It's okay, Magdalane. I know it's overwhelming at first, but you'll grow used to it. You've achieved what many think is impossible—you are more than a conduit of force power now. You actually command it."

Magdalane looked down at her hands, looking at the play of the brilliant white light there, then up to Grandmaster Satele. "Everyone will know I'm different," she said, "and as a Jedi I'm not supposed to be." She looked dazed. "What do I do now?" she asked.

Satele smiled at her then, "You enjoy the knowledge that you took a leap of the heart, and survived to grow stronger in the force. You can be stronger still, should you both choose to continue and deepen your relationship, but this current level of power will remain." She looked down for a moment, then said softly, "if it doesn't work out, there will be pain for you, and everyone connected to the force will feel it, but you cannot turn it away now. The difference? Before you _used_ the force, now you _are_ the force, and it is you." She patted Magdalane's shoulder, and left her to her thoughts.

Magdalane stood and took a deep breath. She could feel the atmosphere move, the molecules of oxygen bind to her blood, and she was awed. She walked back to the outside of the temple and sank down on a nearby bench. She sat there until the sun started to set, and was startled out of her daze by Felix's voice softly calling her name.

"I..I wanted to make sure that you had made it through the shielding ritual, that you were okay," he told her. He was a little concerned that she looked disoriented and dazed, but she stood and took his arm. When she touched him, her aura flared brilliant white and he could feel the calm flow through his body. He walked her back to the hanger where her ship was docked, and up the ramp. She turned and smiled at him then, still not saying anything, but stepping closer, kissed him. The brilliant aura flared again, and it felt like time slowed. When she stepped back, the aura slightly dimmed but remained around her, and he felt the intensity of her force power flow around him.

This is different, he thought, than I've ever seen her aura. She's different, somehow. She saw that he'd seen it, and told him, "it's you, Felix, it's us. Opening my heart has opened the limits I'd placed on the force. On what I was comfortable with. It's taking some getting used to." She led him into the ship, suddenly ravenous. C2 had prepared the meal, and they ate with the crew. They'd decided to stay here a few days, but they'd be back on track for Belsavis much sooner than she'd thought.

After dinner, Felix walked her to her quarters. He didn't quite know if he should stay or not, until she turned to him. "I'd like you to stay, Felix. I want it to be your choice, though. We'll just be sleeping tonight, I'm afraid. My mind is not tired, but my body is."

"I'd never turn down time with you," he smiled at her. She would have to explain all this further, but she just didn't have a grasp of the words yet.

As she drifted off to sleep, she remembered something her mother had told her, when she was a young girl: Love is the strongest magic of them all.


End file.
